Two distinct traits: Its one thing to find love and its another to keep that. And these two traits are so distinct in itself. It's almost like the difference between a "miner" of love and a "collector" of love. Imagine the difference between the coal mines of PA and the collectors of Upper West Side. Good miners are good in finding hot babes. Well, let's just say they pick up women in a heartbeat. Good collectors know to keep them for a long long time - till death do us apart.
And there are some like me. Not a finder, not a collector. God help them. What do they do? Where do they go? Here's what they do - when the others are screwing they write a mini-thesis about solitude.
I recently watched Bergman's TV series called "Scenes from a Marriage." Simply put - his best work to me. Timeless, orginal, and portrays real aspects of life that makes me feel - every minute was worth it. There is a discourse where the man talks about loneliness and that we are all lonely. We are alone in this world. That's the truth. Rest is illusion. We don't want to be lonely but we try to comfort ourselves that we have a family, a work place, a community, etc. - all to just foolishly comfort ourselves in this make-belief world.
Ultimately, the sooner we learn to live by myself - the better off I'll be. The protagonist - the man - keeps explaining to his divorced wife. The wife calmly listens and says - she does not agree with him. She calls him having a defeatist attitude, which she will not buy into. It's like learning to cope up with sea sickness before taking a ship rather than taking a plane because it may crash.
I was so much like the man in the Scenes from a marriage. Trying to comfort myself - by rationalizing my loneliness. Truth be told - it is absolutely vacuuous. Activating my creative and logical juices in my brain has never comforted my heart. But interstingly enough, it makes so much sense - at time. So much so - I was walking talking thinking that is the truth. It fitted my situation so well. The woman in the TV series - thankfully - was able to relegate this "truth" into an opinion worth rejecting.
There may be some truth to loneliness being the ultimate truth of life. But that does not help me. I hate to be alone. Someone dear leaves me and I miss that person. What's my ticket out of loneliness? Travelling, photography, writing? Elusive it may be, call it kiddish, but I need to explore, expand, and feel free. Goodbye my rationality crutch for now - until I need you again.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Ganguly
How many times sports personalities become icons as turnaround geniuses? As a kid, cricket was my religion - so much so my primal instincts told me that I was destined to be a cricketer. Taking a departure from Schopenhauer's "Man can do what he wills but he cannot will what he wills", I became something else. Well, that was on a lighter vein, but today something really hit me.
I am awed and inspired by our own Ganguly. We have heard stories about Wilma Rudolph, Jesse Owens, Jordan, and not to forget Jamaica's Bobsled team among many others who overcame adversities and became role models for life. Management pundits frequently draw examples of teamwork, passion, commitment, and focus from sports. So whether it is Joe Patterno's "good practice and not just practce makes one perfect" or the Ali adage of "I am the greatest", sports have filled us in pushing our own human limits of "higher, faster, and stronger".
Ganguly with his recent performance has redefined human endurance and the mental strength required to "swim against the current". This figure of speech may be hundreds of years old but in modern world it is no easy deal. With big money in cricket and media's lethal destroying power, "current" is a loaded word. And to put into the context, that he came from a super rich background, with loads of cash and from Calcutta where his prestige was still more or less intact - why did he have to come back? What is there inside him that told him - what triggered that? His will? Perhaps. But where is that will generated? Okay, let's stop right here because the answers may be as diverse as human imagination (Schopenhauer says will is not in his control anyway). But let's look at a smaller aspect. Let's presuppose that his will was there. We dont question where it came from. Let's look at that he delivered what his will wanted. Now - How many times do I even do that? I want to do this and that and yada yada yada. And then give up. Sometimes I do smal stuff and then feel I am a champion. For the big stuff, I give up and say that I changed my mind.
Ganguly's performance and this turnaround is exemplary. If I followed my will once and became a cricketer, I would have looked at his cricketing skills. But that does not preclude me from appreciating the gift he has has given now from his endurance, commitment, and proving his metal. Something more pervasive and far-reaching than his copy-book cover drive. And that is how to face life amidst adversity, being loyal and honest to one's dreams, and silence the naysayers with your work.
I am awed and inspired by our own Ganguly. We have heard stories about Wilma Rudolph, Jesse Owens, Jordan, and not to forget Jamaica's Bobsled team among many others who overcame adversities and became role models for life. Management pundits frequently draw examples of teamwork, passion, commitment, and focus from sports. So whether it is Joe Patterno's "good practice and not just practce makes one perfect" or the Ali adage of "I am the greatest", sports have filled us in pushing our own human limits of "higher, faster, and stronger".
Ganguly with his recent performance has redefined human endurance and the mental strength required to "swim against the current". This figure of speech may be hundreds of years old but in modern world it is no easy deal. With big money in cricket and media's lethal destroying power, "current" is a loaded word. And to put into the context, that he came from a super rich background, with loads of cash and from Calcutta where his prestige was still more or less intact - why did he have to come back? What is there inside him that told him - what triggered that? His will? Perhaps. But where is that will generated? Okay, let's stop right here because the answers may be as diverse as human imagination (Schopenhauer says will is not in his control anyway). But let's look at a smaller aspect. Let's presuppose that his will was there. We dont question where it came from. Let's look at that he delivered what his will wanted. Now - How many times do I even do that? I want to do this and that and yada yada yada. And then give up. Sometimes I do smal stuff and then feel I am a champion. For the big stuff, I give up and say that I changed my mind.
Ganguly's performance and this turnaround is exemplary. If I followed my will once and became a cricketer, I would have looked at his cricketing skills. But that does not preclude me from appreciating the gift he has has given now from his endurance, commitment, and proving his metal. Something more pervasive and far-reaching than his copy-book cover drive. And that is how to face life amidst adversity, being loyal and honest to one's dreams, and silence the naysayers with your work.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Why I avoided talking about secularism
Life encompasses not what I choose but also what I avoid. So long I have been skirting and consciously avoiding to write anything on this topic. For long, I have curbed my biggest weakness and that is my enthusiasm to avoid cynical subjects. I can sum up this whole issue in one sentance (will be generous enough to add an extra one) - why refute something that does not exist. Remember John Wood and his Book against God - where that fella wants to write a dissertation to prove God doesn't exist which his friend points out - how he can be against something that does not exist. The same thing applies here on a different context - secularism. In sum, I hate to spend ink on refuting it because I don't think it exist in any discussion. Maybe, except in academia, where everything under the sun is given an existence. And for a good reason. Yet, the current trends in recognition in literary circles does indicate something that cannot be ignored. In the past few years, we got Naipaul and Pamuk winning the Nobel; and another just waiting at the doorstep - Rushdie. All of them have been vocal about their views to the extent where their work and personalities have unified. Each of them is as much an activist as writers.
My personal wish is to keep exploring this area and see why academic circles are so enamored by this discussion and what theories they propound. Right now, it seems that there is quite a lot of intertwining and collapsing of multiple ideas that are at best correlated. Needless to say correlation is not to be consfused with cause and effect. For example, take Pamuk. His activist agenda infuriated his right wing leaning government folks earlier this year and was arrested. Now, he spends most of his time in Columbia lecturing about secular ideas. Embedded in the whole episode is the fact that he can do so in a country like US, which by many is not considered a secular nation. There is strong evangelical ethic that runs through the country. Now, changing tracks a little bit - why are these folks or the intellegentia consider secular ideas as a good thing? I don't know. Why get so hung up on it? Turkey for example, had its share of drinking the Marxist juice a generation back (after Ataturk era) and many (including Pamuk) may belong to that breed who think with the global demise of Marxist following - the secularism baby is getting trown out with overall Marxist bathwater. The end result - increase in fundamentalism. This pattern is quite pervsive including factions in India which has seen an upsurge in growth of fundamentalism through BJP and others.
This may be an interesting aspect to analyze, but let's revert to my earlier question why promoting secularism is so high on some people's list. My immediate response is why care? Ultimately, how a society moves towards greater recognition of private property rights determines its prosperity. The development of frameworks for law enforcement that recognizes such contracts is another component. The fact that men and women are partcipants in commerce and trade without any kinds of discrimination. The same applies to people across religions and faiths. And the way this is possible is through growth of markets and expansion of channels for distribution of wealth. Included also are incentives for production. It can be very easily correlated that America's condition in terms of freedom enjoyed by her citizens compared to other countries rests more on these factors than on secular ideas. It is only recently Merry Christmas is being coined as Happy Holidays which in daily life is more about political correctness than anything else. It's not quite the same way in other parts of the world. How may places in the world do you have a place like Columbia where you have a Bhagwati, a Spivak, a Jeff Sachs, a visiting Pamuk, a Glen Hubbard... That's what America is for you in a microcosm.
So let's wrap up for now. I believe the thrust on secularism is overrated. It does not give a whole lot argued this way or that - anyway. Reminds me of a Zen koan - where the dad tries to show his kid the moon by pointing his finger and the poor little kid keeps looking at the finger thinking that's what her dad wants to show. The moon remains elusive. Dad keeps trying but nothing works. Running after secularism is like keep looking at the finger and never being able to see the moon. The moon will be visible in promoting free enterprise, innovation, seeking opportunities to create wealth, and effective regulation that keeps negative externalities at bay. Until then, I don't mind enjoying either Pamuk, Naipaul, or Rushdie. They are no doubts some of the best minds of our generation. But will I be sweat what secularism is and what it is not. Probably not.
My personal wish is to keep exploring this area and see why academic circles are so enamored by this discussion and what theories they propound. Right now, it seems that there is quite a lot of intertwining and collapsing of multiple ideas that are at best correlated. Needless to say correlation is not to be consfused with cause and effect. For example, take Pamuk. His activist agenda infuriated his right wing leaning government folks earlier this year and was arrested. Now, he spends most of his time in Columbia lecturing about secular ideas. Embedded in the whole episode is the fact that he can do so in a country like US, which by many is not considered a secular nation. There is strong evangelical ethic that runs through the country. Now, changing tracks a little bit - why are these folks or the intellegentia consider secular ideas as a good thing? I don't know. Why get so hung up on it? Turkey for example, had its share of drinking the Marxist juice a generation back (after Ataturk era) and many (including Pamuk) may belong to that breed who think with the global demise of Marxist following - the secularism baby is getting trown out with overall Marxist bathwater. The end result - increase in fundamentalism. This pattern is quite pervsive including factions in India which has seen an upsurge in growth of fundamentalism through BJP and others.
This may be an interesting aspect to analyze, but let's revert to my earlier question why promoting secularism is so high on some people's list. My immediate response is why care? Ultimately, how a society moves towards greater recognition of private property rights determines its prosperity. The development of frameworks for law enforcement that recognizes such contracts is another component. The fact that men and women are partcipants in commerce and trade without any kinds of discrimination. The same applies to people across religions and faiths. And the way this is possible is through growth of markets and expansion of channels for distribution of wealth. Included also are incentives for production. It can be very easily correlated that America's condition in terms of freedom enjoyed by her citizens compared to other countries rests more on these factors than on secular ideas. It is only recently Merry Christmas is being coined as Happy Holidays which in daily life is more about political correctness than anything else. It's not quite the same way in other parts of the world. How may places in the world do you have a place like Columbia where you have a Bhagwati, a Spivak, a Jeff Sachs, a visiting Pamuk, a Glen Hubbard... That's what America is for you in a microcosm.
So let's wrap up for now. I believe the thrust on secularism is overrated. It does not give a whole lot argued this way or that - anyway. Reminds me of a Zen koan - where the dad tries to show his kid the moon by pointing his finger and the poor little kid keeps looking at the finger thinking that's what her dad wants to show. The moon remains elusive. Dad keeps trying but nothing works. Running after secularism is like keep looking at the finger and never being able to see the moon. The moon will be visible in promoting free enterprise, innovation, seeking opportunities to create wealth, and effective regulation that keeps negative externalities at bay. Until then, I don't mind enjoying either Pamuk, Naipaul, or Rushdie. They are no doubts some of the best minds of our generation. But will I be sweat what secularism is and what it is not. Probably not.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
The way we live now...
I borrow the title from Susan Sontag's short story that appeared in The New Yorker several years back. The story was written for a different context - a young man dying of AIDS - so on and so forth. The essence however, was the way their friends behave. "Customary" visits and shows of sympathy, grouping together and putting usual feuds in the back burner for the time being - all for the sake of friendship. Oh really? Not quite. The story upheld utter shallowness and exposed the mockery of modern living without actually making a mockery of it. Call me a cynic, but with Holidays and Christmas bells just ringing, I can't help thinking this.
I am in New York City and the whole day I have spent watching two movies - "The Last Temptation of Chirst" which I saw finally because Martin Scorcese's signature was on it. I did not like it. The second one I had seen before, "Scent of a Woman" which needless to say is watchable many many times. More relevant more apt to "The way we live now"
While flying the shuttle today morning, there was a couple standing in front of me. A middle aged man, pretty round in figure - wearing pants that reached almost over his chest, glasses that made him look like a salesman. And he was behaving like one - that too a cheap one. "What are we getting them? Russel Stover or Walt Whitman? Godiva? Oh my God! Just then my eyes rolled over to take a sneek peek at a Godiva packet peeping out of large Nordstrom bag. Hmm... the argument went on. The man won't stop. "What did they give us last year? A $20 pack. Why are we spending $45 for them." The wife mumbled some explanation and soon realized that it is better not to mess (or it is futile) to explain the male species on domestication beyond a certain point. With a all-too-obvious-you-wont-understand look on the face, she dismissed herself from the chitty-chat to fetch some morning coffee. I was left wondering, early on a sunday morning, which also happens to be Christmas eve, with bag loads full off goodies - where in the world are they going. Friends? Relatives? It did not take a minute to stereotype this couple within the context of archtypal modern day living. It is Christmas time and you have to be with your family giving and receiving gifts - whether you like or not. It is Thanksgiving - you have to eat the turkey. It is Christmas time again - so run around the shopping malls to pick up the sweater for uncle Bob. Oh! big uncle Bob - is becoming bigger every year. Last year he broke our chair, this time I hope he behaves soberly.
I see most of us walk around searching for relatives and friends who are lost for the rest of the year, because Holiday spent alone is crazy. Same as those friends who came to visit the AIDS patient in Sontag's story. You dont like it but we do it because our title is that of a friend. There may be some, however, who have braved each year, and live a bit differently than we live now. For them, it is not the make belief world created by goodies or anything else. It is about the spirit that embodies the happy days spent in the past, and rejoicing what others feel at this time. Looking around I may find one or two. I'll look for them in the same street where Sontag tread and wrote "The way we live now"
I am in New York City and the whole day I have spent watching two movies - "The Last Temptation of Chirst" which I saw finally because Martin Scorcese's signature was on it. I did not like it. The second one I had seen before, "Scent of a Woman" which needless to say is watchable many many times. More relevant more apt to "The way we live now"
While flying the shuttle today morning, there was a couple standing in front of me. A middle aged man, pretty round in figure - wearing pants that reached almost over his chest, glasses that made him look like a salesman. And he was behaving like one - that too a cheap one. "What are we getting them? Russel Stover or Walt Whitman? Godiva? Oh my God! Just then my eyes rolled over to take a sneek peek at a Godiva packet peeping out of large Nordstrom bag. Hmm... the argument went on. The man won't stop. "What did they give us last year? A $20 pack. Why are we spending $45 for them." The wife mumbled some explanation and soon realized that it is better not to mess (or it is futile) to explain the male species on domestication beyond a certain point. With a all-too-obvious-you-wont-understand look on the face, she dismissed herself from the chitty-chat to fetch some morning coffee. I was left wondering, early on a sunday morning, which also happens to be Christmas eve, with bag loads full off goodies - where in the world are they going. Friends? Relatives? It did not take a minute to stereotype this couple within the context of archtypal modern day living. It is Christmas time and you have to be with your family giving and receiving gifts - whether you like or not. It is Thanksgiving - you have to eat the turkey. It is Christmas time again - so run around the shopping malls to pick up the sweater for uncle Bob. Oh! big uncle Bob - is becoming bigger every year. Last year he broke our chair, this time I hope he behaves soberly.
I see most of us walk around searching for relatives and friends who are lost for the rest of the year, because Holiday spent alone is crazy. Same as those friends who came to visit the AIDS patient in Sontag's story. You dont like it but we do it because our title is that of a friend. There may be some, however, who have braved each year, and live a bit differently than we live now. For them, it is not the make belief world created by goodies or anything else. It is about the spirit that embodies the happy days spent in the past, and rejoicing what others feel at this time. Looking around I may find one or two. I'll look for them in the same street where Sontag tread and wrote "The way we live now"
Friday, December 15, 2006
Dealing with ultimate certainty
A couple of posts back I spoke about how incapable we are when it comes to dealing with uncertainty. We all venture in our own ways in dealing with it - striving to transform all uncertain elements into sure and certain outcomes. Yet, when it comes to dealing with the ultimate undertainty it is beyond any sane piece of mind. I am talking about "death". What is it? Is there any way I dont have to face it? Will I live long? Of yeah, I have heard you saying many times, "I dont want to live long, old age is a curse - yadayadayada." Come on, give me a break. Deep inside, everyone desires to live long. So how do I deal with it. Every time I board the plane, I feel scared. Last time, I was flying from JFK to SF and there was this guy next to me who started doing crazy things like standing up, calling on cell phone while the plane was about to take off. Man, I was scared for a moment. At that time, I feel statements like, "I dont want to live long" are such loads of crap which befits a shallow living room conversation over a glass of Merlot. But when life throws instances of mortal fear - all phoniness goes out. One thing that I have learned, it is to accept the truth that really sets one free - and it is the fact that I am so scared of death and hate to face it really means that I love my life. And I am much better accepting that and live it just the way I love it.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
The last month to go ...
I have never been so eager for an year to end than this one. Does New Year really brings new hopes, joy, resolutions, and new beginnings. I wish it does! Or, let's at least believe that. I am at my last leg in San Francisco, and truly I am convinced that after visiting and staying a considerable time is many places - this city is the best in the world. I was in Las Vegas and LA over Thanksgiving, visited the Grand Canyon, which I thought was a nothing but a big hole in the ground. There are some who look at such stuff and keep wondering how nature created something like this. They see mounds of rocks jutting out as temples or the smiling Buddha. Reminds me of the Woody Allen joke - (paraphrasing) "Someone pukes in the Carnegie Hall and others look at it and find art in it." Anyway, anything static, unchanging in human years timeframe is just as good as looking at a picture. I love things that change. A moving river, changes in people's costumes, etc. etc. I really hope this year ends. I think I have had my share of upsets - failed relationships, Adcom rejecting my application after iinterviews, and so on ... But the most important part of this year, was I really felt the gift of true friends - people who have selflessly taken my venom and anger, shared my pain, and directed me in a way that kept me from disintegrating. I have come to know interesting people and visited many new places. Each of these places, will have a sweet sad story to say. I may be visiting these places again, hopefully in a happier setup - but it will never be the same. I will breathe the air that will string in the memories of this year - making me a bit forlorn. I hope that will allow me to cherish and enjoy the day that is still to come. What goes down has to go up. And maybe 2007 will be the year to go up. At least there is no harm in hoping ...
Thursday, November 09, 2006
The joy of Physics
Lately, I have resurrected my high school interest in physics by reading Feynman’s lectures in Physics. It was back in my high school days that I used to marvel at my friends collection of those prized 3 volumes that I could not afford. Today, I own them. And I adore them. In those days, marveling physics was one thing, but Feynman himself was a personality extraordinaire. His model was something to admire and impossible to expereince. Almost akin to being a fan of a movie star. While traversing through several units of space and time, since then - I have come closer to the genius in my own right - meeting people who knew him by his first name. During challenger investigation, his thrust was to keep away from blaming the management and culture – the easiest segment to blame when you are too lame to come up with a scientific explanation. By the way management and culture was the root cause found for Columbia’s disaster that led to the faulty foam design. Feynman once pointed out (I am not 100% sure), the failure rate would be 1 in 50 for space flights – way below what NASA thinks now. Based on the track record, he was not wrong. Just that we are too scared to think that way.
I believe there is something innate in us that disallows us from accepting the intrinsic possibilities that may cause us pain. As an engineer, who frequently gets involved in mission critical systems, I find dealing with proabilities of failures and success on a daily basis. Yet as a human being how little we are tuned to accepting "chance" and "uncertainty" as real components of reality. As an anonymous quote goes, "Maturity is the ability of enduring uncertainty." It seems all our value systems, our push for inventing new things, believe in religion and God - all seem to geared towards creating certainty. Even Einstein nodded his head with the probabilistic treatment of quantum physics - saying "God does not play dice" to determine the motions. Consulting a psychic or praying for a better future all seem to be ways to peek into the future. I sometimes wonder, if I had kept noting or had a dime for everything that I expected and what really turned out - and I be brutally honest - the gap will be quite enormous and I would saved a fortune. May be God does play dice. May be there is no such thing as certainty. And no one really cares, beyond we mortals. It is all about estimating the chance of survival and happiness. How about doing minor rephrasing of statements like - "If you study, you will get a job, and you will be happy." to "If you study, there is higher CHANCE you will get a job, and there is higher CHANCE you will be happy." Well someone else may propose "If you are happy, CHANCES are you will get a job, and CHANCES are you will study." But whether the "being" drives the "action" or the "action" drives the "being" is a separate philosophical question. For now, it's the joy of physics - the innate notion that everything can be explained through its laws.
I believe there is something innate in us that disallows us from accepting the intrinsic possibilities that may cause us pain. As an engineer, who frequently gets involved in mission critical systems, I find dealing with proabilities of failures and success on a daily basis. Yet as a human being how little we are tuned to accepting "chance" and "uncertainty" as real components of reality. As an anonymous quote goes, "Maturity is the ability of enduring uncertainty." It seems all our value systems, our push for inventing new things, believe in religion and God - all seem to geared towards creating certainty. Even Einstein nodded his head with the probabilistic treatment of quantum physics - saying "God does not play dice" to determine the motions. Consulting a psychic or praying for a better future all seem to be ways to peek into the future. I sometimes wonder, if I had kept noting or had a dime for everything that I expected and what really turned out - and I be brutally honest - the gap will be quite enormous and I would saved a fortune. May be God does play dice. May be there is no such thing as certainty. And no one really cares, beyond we mortals. It is all about estimating the chance of survival and happiness. How about doing minor rephrasing of statements like - "If you study, you will get a job, and you will be happy." to "If you study, there is higher CHANCE you will get a job, and there is higher CHANCE you will be happy." Well someone else may propose "If you are happy, CHANCES are you will get a job, and CHANCES are you will study." But whether the "being" drives the "action" or the "action" drives the "being" is a separate philosophical question. For now, it's the joy of physics - the innate notion that everything can be explained through its laws.
Monday, October 30, 2006
The significance of being insignificant
I was in a Barnes and Noble browzing. In the magazines section, I found them showcasing Esquire magazine - styleguide for men. Sifting through the pages, I feel a kick inside my stomach saying, "This is the benchmark. Do something." And this sudden urge creeps in that how I can increase my net worth and get inside Forbes richest men issue - year 2025. I understand relying on my job in "just over broke" in billionaire terms. What are other ways of earning? Stock market is Las Vegas for me without the girls - just another slippery slope that I don't understand. So what's there for me. Education myself more? But does that guarantee anything? And so this is how my day goes. Night falls. My living room turns into a paradise - Horowitz playing the Motzart piano concertos and a glass of rum, reading the NY times, an empty plate where the remants of lamb curry and bread ... and a dim lamp. Life seems to be complete. Call it complacency or satisfaction, call it resignation or contentment - is like beauty - lying in the eyes of the beholder. For now, a day goes by and a night. May be I will get back to wealth creation models, but for now the Hyde loves to forget Dr. Jekyl in me.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Suiciders don't need the law
Yesterday while driving to work, I heard an interview on the BBC that some dude in UK has started an international campaign to introduce a law that will incriminate individuals who may have caused someone else to drive into committing suicide. I do feel sorry for this guy who is in rage after her sister committed suicide because her husband would give her a hard time. I do feel bad for him and is most unfortunate that someone had to take her life. But pass a law to incriminate someone?
Wake up dude, this is 21st century. If your sister could walk out of this world and could not walk out of her marriage then that’s no excuse. Too bad! People will commit suicides, the common reason being that the pain of life itself exceeds the pain of death. In most cases, these people are pushed beyond any form of conventional sanity. I say that because under sane conditions people want to live. Whether it is through the explanations of the physical universe, economic theory, or theology – at least on this ground there is a commonality. Medicine strives to increase life expectancy and so does the monk who is chanting in his tree house. So much so, religion even talks about everlasting life in another world knowing fully well say as you may death is inevitable in this life. So, well - construct another world and who cares if I add the extra bonus whether I get a thousand virgins to do lap dancing. Said in another way that’s what we all want – life, enjoy, and gratify our senses. You and I are looking for a life to live – this world or anything else. But those who commit suicides have gone beyond all these rational, normal, and sane understanding of our universe. And if someone is drawn to this ultimate act, how and more importantly, why do we hold another responsible. No one buys an argument that any situation can be such that suicide was the only option.
Many may argue that it may be so. An unmarried girl getting pregnant in a north Indian village may take her life thinking that she wont be able to carry on with her social stigma. In this case, whom do you punish – the boy who disowned her or the society. Since the society does not have a phone number nor an address, you punish the boy. But is this fair? Were not both of them partners in the same act (assuming everything was consensual).
This guy’s claim and efforts are bogus. Suicide like abortion is a fundamental right as a human being. We do not have any control over our birth, we have limited control over our life – the way it goes, but death – we have complete control. Not that every one of us are taking our lives, but the fact that I can helps me tide over life’s many sorrows, despair, and agony. And when in those dark corners of my thoughts, the thought that I can take my life creeps up like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, it is indeed redeeming. I then finally manage to say, “No, not yet. I can go few more of this pain.” Death will come anyway. As in Bergman’s Seventh Seal, the protagonist says, “…I am playing chess with death.” Yes, we all are playing chess with death. If someone wants to resign and walk away, let her do so. We all will be check mated anyway. It’s just a matter of when. So dude, get on with your own life, and channelize your anger and grief to something more meaningful. You and I will follow your sister soon, so why does it matter if she did it by herself.
Wake up dude, this is 21st century. If your sister could walk out of this world and could not walk out of her marriage then that’s no excuse. Too bad! People will commit suicides, the common reason being that the pain of life itself exceeds the pain of death. In most cases, these people are pushed beyond any form of conventional sanity. I say that because under sane conditions people want to live. Whether it is through the explanations of the physical universe, economic theory, or theology – at least on this ground there is a commonality. Medicine strives to increase life expectancy and so does the monk who is chanting in his tree house. So much so, religion even talks about everlasting life in another world knowing fully well say as you may death is inevitable in this life. So, well - construct another world and who cares if I add the extra bonus whether I get a thousand virgins to do lap dancing. Said in another way that’s what we all want – life, enjoy, and gratify our senses. You and I are looking for a life to live – this world or anything else. But those who commit suicides have gone beyond all these rational, normal, and sane understanding of our universe. And if someone is drawn to this ultimate act, how and more importantly, why do we hold another responsible. No one buys an argument that any situation can be such that suicide was the only option.
Many may argue that it may be so. An unmarried girl getting pregnant in a north Indian village may take her life thinking that she wont be able to carry on with her social stigma. In this case, whom do you punish – the boy who disowned her or the society. Since the society does not have a phone number nor an address, you punish the boy. But is this fair? Were not both of them partners in the same act (assuming everything was consensual).
This guy’s claim and efforts are bogus. Suicide like abortion is a fundamental right as a human being. We do not have any control over our birth, we have limited control over our life – the way it goes, but death – we have complete control. Not that every one of us are taking our lives, but the fact that I can helps me tide over life’s many sorrows, despair, and agony. And when in those dark corners of my thoughts, the thought that I can take my life creeps up like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, it is indeed redeeming. I then finally manage to say, “No, not yet. I can go few more of this pain.” Death will come anyway. As in Bergman’s Seventh Seal, the protagonist says, “…I am playing chess with death.” Yes, we all are playing chess with death. If someone wants to resign and walk away, let her do so. We all will be check mated anyway. It’s just a matter of when. So dude, get on with your own life, and channelize your anger and grief to something more meaningful. You and I will follow your sister soon, so why does it matter if she did it by herself.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Pamuk wins the Nobel
I am so happy today. I woke up and read Ohran Pamuk won the Nobel. For one, it is amusing because unlike other Pamuk's admirers, I am rather a late entrant to this group. But more importantly, I can at least console myself that I was lucky to fall in love with his writing before the recognition arrived.
It's been a while since I posted last. With activities galore keeping me occupied, I had all these millions of ideas racing in my mind without actually penning them down. But no more waiting. I am simply so happy. Happy to the extent of almost falling over my cerebral cliff when another voice comes and interrupts and asks, "Why are you so happy about? Do recognitions really matter? Pamuk himself said it doesn't earlier this year in an interview." Well, truth be told. It does. We are all humans and being humans we are in our inner self like children always hungry for acknowledgement. Now, you may ask if he gets the Nobel why am I happy. I am happy because in some ways a Nobel to him validates me. It validates my sense and spirit of appreciation, it recognizes the fact that what I have so fondly loved is also loved by a recognized institute. I feel being a part of a larger whole.
So much for that but what has made him so special. My first encounter with his work has been Snow and admittedly, I have not read much of his other stuff apart from his interviews, reviews in New Yorker, and so forth.
"Snow" touched me deeply. His protrait of Ka - a rather solemn, solitary poet living in a rather politically charged small towm. How he falls in love with Ipek, a divorcee, and how his typical male idiosyncracies destroys the trust that Ipek gradually began to develop. The human dynamics especially the underpinings in a man's behavior and his inherant incapacity to understand the progression of a woman's sentiments is simply amazing. It touched me to my bones. The apparent confusion that seems to baffle so many men (as I have known from my own life to those of my friends) is inspite of "doing everything" - somehow you cannot win a woman's heart. Not completely. And this where Pamuk so intricately weaves these emotions from different perspectives - almost running the subtle changes in human heart in slow motion. Beat by beat.
Quite ironically, it has baffled me and remained a mystery why so many women fall for men who are prone to trouble, or running their risk of their lives - activists who may be jailed, or criminals who may die. More personally, I have felt on numerous ocassions why linear, non-trouble makers, boy next door hunts perpetually for true love. In Snow, through Ipek's love for Blue, inspite of Blue's radical and potential life threatening circumstances. Ipek says how his compassion for people was genuine and how dedicated his love was that he braved all the risks to visit her. I guess these things matter for the heart. Again subtle remarks like - ..(paraphrasing) "men are given to verbal abuse do so to show their lover how much they love them." Well, only to find out later that woman's love has completely dried out.
Snow will remain as one of my most touching novels. In those long nights laying in my studio looking over the SF skyline - between the large open space, my little voice, and the world that Pamuk was able to weave gave me a "second life". Absolutely moving and solemn experience!
It's been a while since I posted last. With activities galore keeping me occupied, I had all these millions of ideas racing in my mind without actually penning them down. But no more waiting. I am simply so happy. Happy to the extent of almost falling over my cerebral cliff when another voice comes and interrupts and asks, "Why are you so happy about? Do recognitions really matter? Pamuk himself said it doesn't earlier this year in an interview." Well, truth be told. It does. We are all humans and being humans we are in our inner self like children always hungry for acknowledgement. Now, you may ask if he gets the Nobel why am I happy. I am happy because in some ways a Nobel to him validates me. It validates my sense and spirit of appreciation, it recognizes the fact that what I have so fondly loved is also loved by a recognized institute. I feel being a part of a larger whole.
So much for that but what has made him so special. My first encounter with his work has been Snow and admittedly, I have not read much of his other stuff apart from his interviews, reviews in New Yorker, and so forth.
"Snow" touched me deeply. His protrait of Ka - a rather solemn, solitary poet living in a rather politically charged small towm. How he falls in love with Ipek, a divorcee, and how his typical male idiosyncracies destroys the trust that Ipek gradually began to develop. The human dynamics especially the underpinings in a man's behavior and his inherant incapacity to understand the progression of a woman's sentiments is simply amazing. It touched me to my bones. The apparent confusion that seems to baffle so many men (as I have known from my own life to those of my friends) is inspite of "doing everything" - somehow you cannot win a woman's heart. Not completely. And this where Pamuk so intricately weaves these emotions from different perspectives - almost running the subtle changes in human heart in slow motion. Beat by beat.
Quite ironically, it has baffled me and remained a mystery why so many women fall for men who are prone to trouble, or running their risk of their lives - activists who may be jailed, or criminals who may die. More personally, I have felt on numerous ocassions why linear, non-trouble makers, boy next door hunts perpetually for true love. In Snow, through Ipek's love for Blue, inspite of Blue's radical and potential life threatening circumstances. Ipek says how his compassion for people was genuine and how dedicated his love was that he braved all the risks to visit her. I guess these things matter for the heart. Again subtle remarks like - ..(paraphrasing) "men are given to verbal abuse do so to show their lover how much they love them." Well, only to find out later that woman's love has completely dried out.
Snow will remain as one of my most touching novels. In those long nights laying in my studio looking over the SF skyline - between the large open space, my little voice, and the world that Pamuk was able to weave gave me a "second life". Absolutely moving and solemn experience!
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Puja Time
I just returned from the Puja Weekend. It took 6 seasons to finally make it to a Durga Puja in US. Now, I can say - "I have made it." It was fun. And it was really special and divine. It was the presence of ... and I leave it at that.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Some rumblings
In today's op-ed in the Times, David Brooks writes about Louann Brizendine’s book, “The Female Brain.” I have not read the book yet. But it is quite coincidental how lately I have run into conversations with people, I have encountered exactly the point he makes. That people by and large are trying their level best to honor ancient stereotypes and appreciate gender differences. Now, one group drinks the religious juice and sermonizes what Jesus said. And another group looks into science and combinations of chemicals and hormones to prove that women are nurturing and caring and what men are, and by its very design they are meant to be behave differently. My take is this social change is a part of a process. People have simple gotten sick and tired of the mavericks starting from Freud to the hippies of the 60s who propounded new ways of living - either by altering your own thinking or by altering your environment. I don't care much what the instrinsic truth or validity of such studies. What matters is whether it works or not. The philosophy and pschychology that gave rise to feminism and other weird ideas have not provided happines and have failed. So let's try something different. And a generation later we may find something else.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Cab ride and a schism
Few months back I wrote about a cab ride which educated me about Ghana. Two days back I was back inside a cab on my way to Dulles. Looking at the cabbie, I almost felt a momentary deja vu. But before my hopes of another possibility of a sweet ride to some African country could take shape, my ears heard, "I am from Calacinas." Once he saw my face distrught and puzzled he immediately clarified,"North Carolina. That's what I call it" And then he began. What followed was a tirade - thoughts that I read in papers but rarely hear on a one to one conversation. For the simple reason - that I don't hang around such minds at work or for pleasure. This, I thought, is the beauty of a cab ride. I get to get captive company of people I usually not encounter.
I was quiet and spoke just enough to get him to keep talking. He loved to hear himself talk. And I loved it too. Rare enough, but there comes a time when a man gets a clear ground where he can speak out with all his heart. At times, even with all his throat and lungs, when enthusiasm translates to intensity, and intensity shows up in a constant spray of saliva - wetting your surroundings. I did not mind. Yes, that's where I took him to. After all how often do you get a black man speak out his mind - devoid of political correctness, bereft of concerns about what his black brothers are going to think. Sure enough, this only comes in an encounter with a perfect stranger.
I wish I could write everything he said. Besides being inappropriate, I dont think it makes any point. But I wish to mark out few of the interesting things he spoke. I was most interested in the words he was using. For example, he thought eradication of slavery is an illusion. "We were all in chains for many years. Lincoln unchained us . True, but he knew that we were like the bird who after living inside the cage for long has forgotten to fly." The same thing has happened to the black people. They stayed back where they were used to. "The minds of black people are ignorant and are in chains. They have lost the gift of imagination, of thinking through things, they are servile." Chains as a physical object it has become a mental abstraction which is by far more dangerous for the entire black community. What he spoke about reminded me of a debate I participated in many years back on whether Indian independence is still an illusion. An event that is marked on red ink on calendars, but it our minds we as Indians are still servile and forgotten to fly.
Religion, he says, "is a diversion that keeps people away from reality." People are mostly foolish, and especially blacks have sort of plays second fiddle to the whites who seem to have got the church and the religious machinery all in their control. He passed on some interesting anecdotes. "Black people like bwon ball games, white the white. I disagree, but I have learned through life that in some cases disagreemts are best kept to one's ownself. In this case, Tiger Woods is an living exception. And as far baseball, it was true until few years back. Now, baseball is dominated by hispanics.
The most interesting comment was about how he thought colored people had dominating genes. In other words, his thory was blacks will dominate the world and whites are scared about that. He cited that an offspring of a mixed couple tends to look more black than white. Talk to any medico. That's not true. Anyway, people have their own thoughts and opinions. Life encompasses everything, and I feel at the end of the day nothing matters. The significance of opinions with which people fight is all a function of time. Think about the next two minutes, I may be freaking out because my internet is running slow, think about a year, I am concerned whether I will make in to my next career move. Think about 20 years - retirement, and then, another 100 years - I am dead and gone. Who cares whether the black dominates of the Indians. Someone recently characterized - the world is divided into two groups: one who divide the world into two groups and the others who don't. As long as I live, I wish I can overcome the challenges imposed by shortness of timescale and think an a part of a whole. As I got off from the cab ride, for another flight to the west - I felt I enjoyed the ride. After all for me, he was another human being, working hard to make a living for himself and his family, and yes like anybody else he has his view of the world. And it is this diversity that makes life a joyful expereince to live by.
I was quiet and spoke just enough to get him to keep talking. He loved to hear himself talk. And I loved it too. Rare enough, but there comes a time when a man gets a clear ground where he can speak out with all his heart. At times, even with all his throat and lungs, when enthusiasm translates to intensity, and intensity shows up in a constant spray of saliva - wetting your surroundings. I did not mind. Yes, that's where I took him to. After all how often do you get a black man speak out his mind - devoid of political correctness, bereft of concerns about what his black brothers are going to think. Sure enough, this only comes in an encounter with a perfect stranger.
I wish I could write everything he said. Besides being inappropriate, I dont think it makes any point. But I wish to mark out few of the interesting things he spoke. I was most interested in the words he was using. For example, he thought eradication of slavery is an illusion. "We were all in chains for many years. Lincoln unchained us . True, but he knew that we were like the bird who after living inside the cage for long has forgotten to fly." The same thing has happened to the black people. They stayed back where they were used to. "The minds of black people are ignorant and are in chains. They have lost the gift of imagination, of thinking through things, they are servile." Chains as a physical object it has become a mental abstraction which is by far more dangerous for the entire black community. What he spoke about reminded me of a debate I participated in many years back on whether Indian independence is still an illusion. An event that is marked on red ink on calendars, but it our minds we as Indians are still servile and forgotten to fly.
Religion, he says, "is a diversion that keeps people away from reality." People are mostly foolish, and especially blacks have sort of plays second fiddle to the whites who seem to have got the church and the religious machinery all in their control. He passed on some interesting anecdotes. "Black people like bwon ball games, white the white. I disagree, but I have learned through life that in some cases disagreemts are best kept to one's ownself. In this case, Tiger Woods is an living exception. And as far baseball, it was true until few years back. Now, baseball is dominated by hispanics.
The most interesting comment was about how he thought colored people had dominating genes. In other words, his thory was blacks will dominate the world and whites are scared about that. He cited that an offspring of a mixed couple tends to look more black than white. Talk to any medico. That's not true. Anyway, people have their own thoughts and opinions. Life encompasses everything, and I feel at the end of the day nothing matters. The significance of opinions with which people fight is all a function of time. Think about the next two minutes, I may be freaking out because my internet is running slow, think about a year, I am concerned whether I will make in to my next career move. Think about 20 years - retirement, and then, another 100 years - I am dead and gone. Who cares whether the black dominates of the Indians. Someone recently characterized - the world is divided into two groups: one who divide the world into two groups and the others who don't. As long as I live, I wish I can overcome the challenges imposed by shortness of timescale and think an a part of a whole. As I got off from the cab ride, for another flight to the west - I felt I enjoyed the ride. After all for me, he was another human being, working hard to make a living for himself and his family, and yes like anybody else he has his view of the world. And it is this diversity that makes life a joyful expereince to live by.
Monday, September 11, 2006
In Village
I was off to New York last weekend. Every time I visit this city, it is as if I discover a new part of me. For one I realize that there is something common about big cities. New York, Paris, and Calcutta. In some sense they are similar in their own ways - like they belong to the one and exclusive metro club, the people's equivalent the billionaire club. Just like it does not matter which nationality you belong to. If you are billionaire you are more likely to do some common things - own your own jet, own a villa in French riveria, and probably shop at Asprey. Same goes with cities. A city like New York albeit located in US is more similar to Paris, and more importantly, the place I grew up - Calcutta. The fact that it is in America pales into a background. Compare New York with Indianapolis and also with Paris and you will understand what I mean.
Yesterday, I was up in the East Village - strolled along the sidewalks gazing at those artists and peddlers. I always love to hang out in this area. I love it better than Midtown. Not so many touristy but rather much of local artisty is present. Here I can treat myself to beautiful art and browze through DVDs of Goddard. Stop by Strand Book Store which by far is my all time favorite. An Italian lunch in Little Italy, and then stroll back to Union square to watch a group 100 people chanting "On Namah Shivayam" at a "Art of Living" session. While this is going on a black man walks around - shouting and yelling his frustrations - "The Indians are taking over, and I dont get to talk about my Christ." No matter how thin you slice it there will always be two sides. This is what I remembered
I have been taking it slow these days. I leave for san Francisco day after tomorrow. As I keep playing corners with Washington DC and San Francisco during weekdays and New York during weekends, I feel I am lucky. I feel I am having some of the best days in my life.
Yesterday, I was up in the East Village - strolled along the sidewalks gazing at those artists and peddlers. I always love to hang out in this area. I love it better than Midtown. Not so many touristy but rather much of local artisty is present. Here I can treat myself to beautiful art and browze through DVDs of Goddard. Stop by Strand Book Store which by far is my all time favorite. An Italian lunch in Little Italy, and then stroll back to Union square to watch a group 100 people chanting "On Namah Shivayam" at a "Art of Living" session. While this is going on a black man walks around - shouting and yelling his frustrations - "The Indians are taking over, and I dont get to talk about my Christ." No matter how thin you slice it there will always be two sides. This is what I remembered
I have been taking it slow these days. I leave for san Francisco day after tomorrow. As I keep playing corners with Washington DC and San Francisco during weekdays and New York during weekends, I feel I am lucky. I feel I am having some of the best days in my life.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Power of first impressions
I recentlly read Malcolm Gladwell's Blink. It is a book that explores the power of first impressions: how they are formed, how they influence us, when they are really useful, when they are not, and more specifically, when and how they can get catastrophic. I was simply glued to this book for the last three days - as he insightfully probes into deeply interesting yet mysterious issues like dating, identifying good quality art , and even mind reading. Blink is about the power of the "first two seconds" as he says. The book is fascinating with examples drawn from NYPD to Tennis reflexes, from speed dating to Tom Hank's audition, from distinguishing coke from Pepsi to food tasting. Gladwell's style is lucid, fluid, simple, yet his work is richly researched - all that makes reading a true joy. I am a big fan of his writing in The New Yorker but somehow with a "blink" of an eye I have resisted reading his earlier book "The Tipping Point". Now, letting go of my unconscious, and allowing my conscious to decide - it has entered my fall reading list. Blink was a wonderful read. Serious with an undercurrent of humor, and no doubt very interesting.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Live from NY
Beerfest in Times Square
Walking down in Central Park
And never looking back
Dinner at Utsav
And much more...
As my holiday in NY is about complete
Walking down in Central Park
And never looking back
Dinner at Utsav
And much more...
As my holiday in NY is about complete
Friday, September 01, 2006
Windy in NYC
Past midnight now, I am lying here in Mama's apartment in NYC. The Hudson is 30 feet from my window and the wind is almost blowing me away. Driving through Manhattan was really cool tonight. A very calm and quiet friday morning. At times I get superstitious in saying stuff like that, as if something else may happen tomorrow. But well, whatever...events keep happening.
I had lovely day - nothing much to do or say. A nice friday night - watched Talagadamadagada Nights (Pardon me for not getting the name right). And then a nice dinner. I am in no mood for deep thinking and finding a purpose behind anything today. I guess today was actually living my purpose - that is - enjoy and be grateful for having a beautiful day. That I have been good and that I feel fulfilled.
I had lovely day - nothing much to do or say. A nice friday night - watched Talagadamadagada Nights (Pardon me for not getting the name right). And then a nice dinner. I am in no mood for deep thinking and finding a purpose behind anything today. I guess today was actually living my purpose - that is - enjoy and be grateful for having a beautiful day. That I have been good and that I feel fulfilled.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Break Rules - An alternate view
Last Thursday's Wall Street Journal reported a story on how Koreans are facing new challenegs - including marital problems because the country has gone from a six-day work week to a five-day work week. Yes, I said it right. Six to five. This has resulted in men spending more time at home. In other words, women are finding it difficult to cope up with their intrusion into their private space - home. This is really interesting. On one side, we here in this country are trying to find ways to convert management buzzwords like "work-life balance" into reality, on the other side of the globe, it is a complete different scenario. In some sense, it sets me to think is modern life - men at home, women at work, Suze Orman your personal finanance guru, and Dr. Phil your relationship coach - really messes up the natural balance. And then we have to go to Harvard to learn about "work-life balance" or hire a consultant to learn not to carry my blackberry and laptop during my vacation. Or, an easier solution, maybe a better one too - go back to what your grandparents did - Daddy at work and Mom does the house. Lower family tensions, fewer broken marriages, less money spent on counsellors and stress relievers, no day cares, no "Mommy-did-not-hug-me" self esteem issues. Live will be good.
How about breaking the rules. Do not allow the woman to work. I think rules have an importance in life. Rules provide clarity and clarity provides a clear direction. While a quesioning attidue has become a moral virtue nowdays, questioning each and every rule is inviting confusion and subjectivity into our lives. ow about asking - Why is going backwards considered bad? Why is there so much political correctness attached to it that I cannot ask this question? Why not break them? Politically correct statement - "men-women equality" sounds good, but unfortunately does not work. Not in Korea, not anywhere. For example, the traditional role of a man is to provide for his family. While you may question that, show me how many women, however well-placed even today are willing to reverse that, and are willing to marry a non-working man. By the same token, while you may question beauty is skin-deep, show me how many men will marry an ugly and perennially sick woman.
Men marry health and beauty, women marry security and good prospects. Women respond to male good looks, but it’s not the most important item as much it is for men. Women after all are genetically tuned to seek men who have the capability and willingness to raise children. Good health and resistance to infection, while good to have in a husband, are not a woman's number one priority. Men, on the other hand, look for fitness in women to bear children. Qualities like attachment, loyalty, and kindness are more important to women. Men worry less about these qualities. However, people say, there is one important exception — one circumstance under which women are attracted to physical and men-beauty oriented in their choosing their men. That’s when they’re cheating. "Marry the lord and screw the gardener" That's a common strategy many women employ and are quite successful.
I would argue that if a woman is more secured financially, and less dependent on the male partner the tendency to cheating goes up (proven fact instinctively all humans love variety). Then, we see more of these women becoming enamored by male-beauty. And women, especially educated ones, throw modernity and counter-culture sound-bytes to cloud, clutter, and question exisiting norms and justify and are fairly successful in reversing certain natural human processes. Hidden beneath their veneer , nothing but raw beasty urges to explore their innate human desires that were pent up and not allowed to venture openly into in our societies for many years. As if they are on a vendetta for all their grandmas have missed out on. And then qualities like attachment, loyalty, and kindness begin to be important for men.
I say what's the point. No need in messing up the real natural balance. Why can't we make things simple. There are two options. Either follow the moral rules, or completely drop them. Be married and raise children. If you enjoy screwing the gardener, just don't get caught by your husband. Or, if you want to be financially independent, forget marriage, santification, and holy cow. You live in a dog eat dog world. Like other animal species, let's compete for our mates. And we are ready to drop one when we are in sight of a better bargain - so be it. Stop listening to Dr. Phil's mystical balonies on connection and relationship hooplas. There is a lot more clarity, not necessarily ease, in living that way. After all who said life was ever easy - ask even your grandma.
A special note to women of my breed - who feel that their husbands should do the dishes, make the meals, and water the plants. Who feel that because they have done the hard work of working, they need to be rewarded by their husbands as opposed to being responsible. When will they realize that asking for a reward is not same as asking for a responsible husband. Stop thinking by saying a stupid thing over and over in your head thinking it will become the truth. Vomit out that overdoze of Oprah juice that you drank with a diet of Linda Goodmans when you were a confused teenager - "I am what I say myself, I believe and so I am...because I am a Gemini." You become one of those doctors who with little knowledge try to experiment with everything, not sure of anything. You end up cutting up the patient, and then realize that you dont know how to stitch the guts. That's how you end up running your lives. Decide not what your peanut brain tells you what is good for you. Decide what is good for you and more importantly those around you. Maybe, you need to take a lesson or two from your Korean sisters. But for that, you need to realize that you have a peanut brain. I dont know how to show you that.
Disclaimer: Views expressed in this post does not necessarily reflect what I believe in
How about breaking the rules. Do not allow the woman to work. I think rules have an importance in life. Rules provide clarity and clarity provides a clear direction. While a quesioning attidue has become a moral virtue nowdays, questioning each and every rule is inviting confusion and subjectivity into our lives. ow about asking - Why is going backwards considered bad? Why is there so much political correctness attached to it that I cannot ask this question? Why not break them? Politically correct statement - "men-women equality" sounds good, but unfortunately does not work. Not in Korea, not anywhere. For example, the traditional role of a man is to provide for his family. While you may question that, show me how many women, however well-placed even today are willing to reverse that, and are willing to marry a non-working man. By the same token, while you may question beauty is skin-deep, show me how many men will marry an ugly and perennially sick woman.
Men marry health and beauty, women marry security and good prospects. Women respond to male good looks, but it’s not the most important item as much it is for men. Women after all are genetically tuned to seek men who have the capability and willingness to raise children. Good health and resistance to infection, while good to have in a husband, are not a woman's number one priority. Men, on the other hand, look for fitness in women to bear children. Qualities like attachment, loyalty, and kindness are more important to women. Men worry less about these qualities. However, people say, there is one important exception — one circumstance under which women are attracted to physical and men-beauty oriented in their choosing their men. That’s when they’re cheating. "Marry the lord and screw the gardener" That's a common strategy many women employ and are quite successful.
I would argue that if a woman is more secured financially, and less dependent on the male partner the tendency to cheating goes up (proven fact instinctively all humans love variety). Then, we see more of these women becoming enamored by male-beauty. And women, especially educated ones, throw modernity and counter-culture sound-bytes to cloud, clutter, and question exisiting norms and justify and are fairly successful in reversing certain natural human processes. Hidden beneath their veneer , nothing but raw beasty urges to explore their innate human desires that were pent up and not allowed to venture openly into in our societies for many years. As if they are on a vendetta for all their grandmas have missed out on. And then qualities like attachment, loyalty, and kindness begin to be important for men.
I say what's the point. No need in messing up the real natural balance. Why can't we make things simple. There are two options. Either follow the moral rules, or completely drop them. Be married and raise children. If you enjoy screwing the gardener, just don't get caught by your husband. Or, if you want to be financially independent, forget marriage, santification, and holy cow. You live in a dog eat dog world. Like other animal species, let's compete for our mates. And we are ready to drop one when we are in sight of a better bargain - so be it. Stop listening to Dr. Phil's mystical balonies on connection and relationship hooplas. There is a lot more clarity, not necessarily ease, in living that way. After all who said life was ever easy - ask even your grandma.
A special note to women of my breed - who feel that their husbands should do the dishes, make the meals, and water the plants. Who feel that because they have done the hard work of working, they need to be rewarded by their husbands as opposed to being responsible. When will they realize that asking for a reward is not same as asking for a responsible husband. Stop thinking by saying a stupid thing over and over in your head thinking it will become the truth. Vomit out that overdoze of Oprah juice that you drank with a diet of Linda Goodmans when you were a confused teenager - "I am what I say myself, I believe and so I am...because I am a Gemini." You become one of those doctors who with little knowledge try to experiment with everything, not sure of anything. You end up cutting up the patient, and then realize that you dont know how to stitch the guts. That's how you end up running your lives. Decide not what your peanut brain tells you what is good for you. Decide what is good for you and more importantly those around you. Maybe, you need to take a lesson or two from your Korean sisters. But for that, you need to realize that you have a peanut brain. I dont know how to show you that.
Disclaimer: Views expressed in this post does not necessarily reflect what I believe in
Monday, August 07, 2006
Why I struggle to take a decision?
How many times I have walked into a Baskin Robbins and stood there - wondering which flavor to get. I can afford to buy a scoop of all the five flavors I am considering and then create a five-decker monster. Yes, I can! But will I ever do that in my rigth mind. That's a sure ticket to the ER and I won't bother to look at a BR for a year. No, I am not that stupid. So I keep agonizing and finally take a decision. Soon after the first scoop, I start wonde ring, if chocolate mint chip was what I really should have ordered. Oh! this saga keeps happening over and over again.
Raised in India, with limited means, I never had so many Baskin-Robbins-type problems as here in US. And finally, I have realized that my personality is not wholly "integrated". I suffer from ambivalence, ambiguity - call it what you may.
I tell you - I am really interested in the way out.
So what does it take to take a decision and stick to it? Steadfastness, being headstrong, pig-headed, what? Talk to any leader - he will say this is a virtue. I agree, life is not only horrible, but miserable if you switch on and off between chocolate and vanilla. Whatever, this may be characterized as - I have found some interesting insights by delving into the process called decision making. And here I will share some of them.
Recalling Mr. Carl Jung, for once I have looked inwards - in my search for self-awareness, as oppossed to looking outwards (dont want to be a dreamer!). I found that I take decisions from four different places:
1. Commitment - Things that I am committed too - my interests, hobbies, etc. These decisions are powerful decisions and when I take then I dont have a shade of doubt in my mind. I am crystal clear. As a result, they are strong decisions and cannot be dislodged.
2. Fear - Decisions that have been reactions to certain fear - mostly conditional fears that over the years seem innate and automatic. In my case, fear of failure, fear of loneliness, fear that I will not be able to accomplish my dreams, fear that this is last day last show - and if I dont take the boat, I will be a loser. When faced with these fears, I end up taking decisions that are mere reactions and quite naturally, they come back and bite me so badly. (I am being selfish in covering my self here - of course, I hurt others - may be more). These are the weakest and most troublesome decisions. My quest now is to distinguish if a certain decision I am taking is driven by my fear of something or coming from someplace else.
3. Inspiriation - Some decisions are purely inspirational, like my decision to write this blog now, all of a sudden I feel like cooking gourmet meal, or doing some exercise. They are mometary and do not last a whole long. But they are positive.
4. Worked into it - These are decisions I take that I sort of work my self into believeing - "hey, this is the best I could do." Admittedly, this is how most of the decisions I have taken in life, especially, growing up with limited opportunities. Beware, I am not citing this as an excuse, but just to illustrate my point. In fall 2001, when I took my job offer, I was not excited at all, nor did I entirely liked the profile, but still I told myself - "this is the best I could get." This became such a large part of my life that I forgot that there were other decisions in my life that I was taking and working myself into believeing. Gone was the whole notion of taking decisions based on commitment to give myself the best and be inspired by what I am ultimately gifting myself.
No wonder, I ended up marrying a B minus grade woman, thinking this is okay. Where the hell did I drift away? I know. It's harsh and bitter. And here it comes -
I was running my life with a fear - fear of loneliness, fear that I am losing out on life...etc. And settled for mediocrity and told myself - "this is good enough". I forgot that mediocrity was my biggest enemy ever since I formed myself as a human being. But for the last 15 years, it had had the better of me and I have been a Rip-van-winkle dreaming, slumbering, and deluging in esoteric philosophy, spitting my venom on everybody, and mindless frutiless endless conversations. Hardly looking inside to face my fears, embracing them, and overcoming them with courage.
Yes, courage, as it is said (and I have mentioned in my previous posts) "decision" is about killing all choices to settle for one. That required will-power, clarity, and certain amount of ruthlessness that comes only from a commitment to give yourself the very best! To remember - "Good enough" is the enemy of "better"
Raised in India, with limited means, I never had so many Baskin-Robbins-type problems as here in US. And finally, I have realized that my personality is not wholly "integrated". I suffer from ambivalence, ambiguity - call it what you may.
I tell you - I am really interested in the way out.
So what does it take to take a decision and stick to it? Steadfastness, being headstrong, pig-headed, what? Talk to any leader - he will say this is a virtue. I agree, life is not only horrible, but miserable if you switch on and off between chocolate and vanilla. Whatever, this may be characterized as - I have found some interesting insights by delving into the process called decision making. And here I will share some of them.
Recalling Mr. Carl Jung, for once I have looked inwards - in my search for self-awareness, as oppossed to looking outwards (dont want to be a dreamer!). I found that I take decisions from four different places:
1. Commitment - Things that I am committed too - my interests, hobbies, etc. These decisions are powerful decisions and when I take then I dont have a shade of doubt in my mind. I am crystal clear. As a result, they are strong decisions and cannot be dislodged.
2. Fear - Decisions that have been reactions to certain fear - mostly conditional fears that over the years seem innate and automatic. In my case, fear of failure, fear of loneliness, fear that I will not be able to accomplish my dreams, fear that this is last day last show - and if I dont take the boat, I will be a loser. When faced with these fears, I end up taking decisions that are mere reactions and quite naturally, they come back and bite me so badly. (I am being selfish in covering my self here - of course, I hurt others - may be more). These are the weakest and most troublesome decisions. My quest now is to distinguish if a certain decision I am taking is driven by my fear of something or coming from someplace else.
3. Inspiriation - Some decisions are purely inspirational, like my decision to write this blog now, all of a sudden I feel like cooking gourmet meal, or doing some exercise. They are mometary and do not last a whole long. But they are positive.
4. Worked into it - These are decisions I take that I sort of work my self into believeing - "hey, this is the best I could do." Admittedly, this is how most of the decisions I have taken in life, especially, growing up with limited opportunities. Beware, I am not citing this as an excuse, but just to illustrate my point. In fall 2001, when I took my job offer, I was not excited at all, nor did I entirely liked the profile, but still I told myself - "this is the best I could get." This became such a large part of my life that I forgot that there were other decisions in my life that I was taking and working myself into believeing. Gone was the whole notion of taking decisions based on commitment to give myself the best and be inspired by what I am ultimately gifting myself.
No wonder, I ended up marrying a B minus grade woman, thinking this is okay. Where the hell did I drift away? I know. It's harsh and bitter. And here it comes -
I was running my life with a fear - fear of loneliness, fear that I am losing out on life...etc. And settled for mediocrity and told myself - "this is good enough". I forgot that mediocrity was my biggest enemy ever since I formed myself as a human being. But for the last 15 years, it had had the better of me and I have been a Rip-van-winkle dreaming, slumbering, and deluging in esoteric philosophy, spitting my venom on everybody, and mindless frutiless endless conversations. Hardly looking inside to face my fears, embracing them, and overcoming them with courage.
Yes, courage, as it is said (and I have mentioned in my previous posts) "decision" is about killing all choices to settle for one. That required will-power, clarity, and certain amount of ruthlessness that comes only from a commitment to give yourself the very best! To remember - "Good enough" is the enemy of "better"
Friday, July 21, 2006
Woman
There is nothing more beautiful than seeing you cry
Yet few women cry these days
Why do so many women want to be like men
And stop crying
Don't they realize men go out of bounds because of their undying love
To hurt you to see you beautiful
And not because they dont love you
Why do think that you are the victim
A tragedy queen?
You will never know that I loved you
Because all you see is that I crossed the boundary line.
Yet few women cry these days
Why do so many women want to be like men
And stop crying
Don't they realize men go out of bounds because of their undying love
To hurt you to see you beautiful
And not because they dont love you
Why do think that you are the victim
A tragedy queen?
You will never know that I loved you
Because all you see is that I crossed the boundary line.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
