Arranging Marriages through Blind Dates

During my undergrad existence I remember - to get a to get a blind date you really had to be a stud! One had to belong to a different league altogether . With a geeky look, nerdy characteristics, and paunchy belly, I was located in a different dating planet. Fast forward a dozen years and things have become quite the opposite. With Shaadi.com, match.com, eharmony.com, etc., turning out to be the most prominent (or only) platform to meet someone, blind dates are becoming the rightful way to keep my life going on tracks to take me somewhere. The more I get used to this concept, as alien as it may be, I can't think much different from what I feel in an arranged marriage. Can anyone tell me what's the difference? Even if the platform is a podium to get introduced and then catapault that inital meeting into a full blown romantic relationship - preferably culminating in a marriage, I can't quite agree it is same as a typical "love marriage."

Relationship starting off through any of these platforms do not have an organic seeding. You start off sipping through the vanilla latte in Starbucks because knowing fully that you are tolerating each other because you want to get married - and not necessarily you just want to hang out - with no strings attached - without the need to go anywhere, accomplish anything. How different is then such a meeting from those engineered by parents in initial stages of arranged marriage. Looks like the dynamics that propel an arranged marriage discussion runs these "blind dates" too. A hit or miss. To get a second date requires a stronger doze of initial chemistry which is in quite contrast to the way typically people fall in love. More often than not, love strikes in unexpected quarters and worse, it may not strike in the first meeting. How many times, I have fallen in love with a person, after knowing her all too well, with whom I practically dont remember the very first meeting. But once I am in it - I am attracted, not to mention, waltzing in the conversation with her.

So is chemistry over-rated? How about just giving it a shot anyway? Or, if it's just that speck of attraction - a huntch that - she may be the one. Who knows what works?

Slow cooking in relationships

Faire de la bonne cuisine demande un certain temps.
Si on vous fait attendre, c'est pour mieux vous servir, et vous plaire.
Good cooking takes time.
If you are made to wait, it is to serve you better, and to please you.
Menu of Restaurant Antoine, New Orleans

I read this when I came across The mythical man-month which was a book written several years back on managing large scale software development. Is this applicable to relationships too?

I have been wondering how critical attraction between two people needs to be. Chemistry, connection... I keep trying to understand - experientally as well as intellectually. The concept seem to lie farther and farther. Maybe, the less I try to figure it out, the less I will struggle. Maybe I will get it. Wishful thinking! Defeatist resignation! Regardless, the question is how about those relationships that grow over time. People say that's the way trust works. Is trust more important than chemistry? Does one feed into the other? Do some people fare better than the others? Can I learn? I don't know. Looks so much fuzzier.

I wish I get attracted to someone soon. I would let the "slow cooking" take its time to role out a solid relationship. Then, I guess I will have posterity to back up and prove that I fulfilled in delivering chemistry, connection, and what not. As of now, it simply does not exisit.

Nurse the Curse

Start afresh. A new beginning. My close friends who in all honesty keep boosting me. Without getting into the details, a new beginning is never the same. In fact, with every broken relationship there is something ugly that creeps in. Or, may be something is taken away.

It all began last year - on this date as I worked my way into single life. A couple of quick flings later - where am I now? No more goose flesh or racing heart. Not anymore. Beauty does not touch my skin easily. Only the eyes - perhaps. Aweful! Mellowed spirit tries to find love and avoid contempt. LOL!

Learning from The Lion King

"It's good to be the king. You lie around all day. You have two beautiful blond wives, much younger. They do all the work. When they take too long, you cuff them away and chow down on nice chunks of meat served rare. Hmmm, then it's time for (yawn) nap No. 4. If a new gal comes into town, you can take her in. The wives may howl, but that's too bad. What are they going to do, find another king?"

...I don't know a man who directly or indirectly won't aspire such a life. Well, that's the claim made in one of the recent Stephen Hunter's column in The Washington Post.

I am doing a typical Washington thing here, taking few quotes out of the article and I am just about to beat the hell out - as best as I can. Now to maintain full disclosure, the above quote is about from the review of the 3-D version of "The Lion King." Life is really good for the lion king. No doubt about that. But the writer does give a sexist spin to it -- making the remark that how pro-male and anti-women lion kingdom -- which he then insinuates -- applies to the enitre men species -- including human beings.

I agree. I won't deny it. I won't even argue because I dont have a different point of view. I really don't. All I want to say -- yes! the lion deserves it.

This is where I have some trouble with the article. Hunter does not talk about what the lion has to do to get there. In other words, this is a life that the lion creates for himself through years of blood and sweat. The blondes he gets don't have to deal with all this stuff. This applies to men too, not just "men lions" In some rare circumstances, men do get to live like the lion king.

So what does the lion go through? First, when a cub grows into adosclecence, he is driven out of the pride to fend for his ownself by the dominant male in the family. He then groups together with other males and forms a frat boys society. Teamwork and cooperation tides them through as they start mating and producing cubs. Then, the dominant male fights out and chases the rest away and forms his pride. Well, this is the short version, but we can easily get the gist. Not much different from the human life. And if that's so, for all the blood and sweat, and the fact at each of this step you could have got killed or destroyed, it is a reward that in some sense measure up.

Will someone reward the male lion in me with such a life. Just kidding! Else, will be disheartened.