To my friend

My friend woke me up early this cloudy Sunday. Blessed am I to have friends who feel the freedom to wake me up on a sunday morning. So here's why. 2 guys have fallen for the same girl. And he is one of them. The girl seems to like the other person more these days. The situation is as old as the hills. Same old same old - urge to run after that person to satisfy the need that simply prolongs the misery in every possible way. It all began with a seed of curiosity planted in a sea of denial. "Oh really, even he likes her and she may be interested in him." The n the irrational urge to confirm the denial only grew the seed of curiosity into a suspicion and the suspicion now has turned into a kernel fuming with bitterness and anger. Needless to say, latent in all that is the frustration of helplessness and complete loss of power.

It is so easy to be an oberserver when I am not the participant in such cases. When the tables are turned and I be in my friend's shoes (hope not!), I know he will be saying the same thing to me. Leaves me wondering how we humans are wired so disconnected from the realities of life. It is easier to advise someone but not one ownself. Just the way we think we have power to control others when we really don't.

Why is it so difficult to accept that we cannot control any other human being? Why is it so hard to make someone else love you? Or, as a parent to get your child to follow all your wishes? Hard questions - no simple answers.

I guess it is because our foundations are misplaced on faulty bases. We are wired to believe (quite unconsciously) that seeking power by controlling others is a virtue and the lack of it invalidates us as human beings. To cope and control our future has been the primal driver for our civilization. From the point, we gave up animal like hunting and began farming by planting seeds, we embraced uncertainty. We cloaked ourselves in religion and began to please the gods for our prosperity. When crops got destroyed we blamed ourselves for our sins. But even in all that - we never dislodged our faulty premise from our human fabric - that we could control - either by beating others or by beating our ownselves. Why is it so hard to accept that we are creatures on the planet and certain things like weather or making money from the next youtube, are beyond our control.

When scheming and thinking about how-can-I-make-her-to-love-me, we tend to bring in the same false premise that we can control others. And when it does not work we are pained. So what's the way out? Nothing. Just have to bear it. There is a huge gap between what we can do and the results that are accomplished. We can just come to the banks and wait for "luck", "destiny", "fate" to lay the bridge to the desired result. And if they don't show up to create our pathway to winning her heart, we are simply stuck. We have the right to feel upset, angry, and frustrated since we cannot change the physiology of heart-break and pain. So my friend feel all that and also listen to this. And when you are through with your upset, begin another "game of chess" to take your revenge against your "luck". Your heart may be in million pieces by now but if you are willing to hang in there - there is hope. Reminds me what the demoralized Lucifer said after losing the heaven in Milton's Paradise Lost:

What though the field be lost?
All is not lost; the unconquerable Will,
And study of revenge, immortal hate,
And courage never to submit or yield:
And what is else not to be overcome?
That Glory never shall his wrath or might
Extort from me.