What I hate when I am in a relationship?

Just when you put everything aside and make that phone call to talk - and you get the voice mail. And then keep wondering when she will call back...

Woody Allen and Philosophy

I am currently reading Woody Allen and Philosophy edited by Conrad and Skoble. Quite an interesting read. To mark this, I have added two of my most favorite scenes from Woody's pictures in the video links on the right.

Scanning Oscar Wilde

I am experimenting something here. Oscar Wilde has got some bold quotes that only he could say. Translations as they apply now in my life.

1. "A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal." Translation: Calling a girl once in a while means I am not into her - calling more than three times a day means I am deperately insane or become a stalker.

2. "Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." Good one - in line with Ayn Rand's Virtue of Selfishness. I know which women to stay away from.

3. "Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow." Took me a while - but I get it now.

4. "Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong." Oh yes, I do!

5. "Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about." - It is shit and nauseating anyway so why bother!

6. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." Living in despair with your sex life? Live with the fantasy. It helps.

7. "I adore simple pleasures. They are the last refuge of the complex." Does alcohol, sex, and gambling fall under this?

8. "I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world." - Mind you operative word - like. Don't like saints for sure.

9. "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it." - Can't agree more, especially when temptations are bodily temptations.

10. "There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution." - This is why hearing a sorry can be obnoxious at times.

11. "Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is man's original virtue. It is through disobedience and rebellion that progress has been made." And the f* book calls it a sin? Huh!

12. "To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - This is coolest one!

Orwellian trip

Yesterday travelling in the train, I had two lovely co-passengers who were holidaying from England. I could not resist initiating a conversation about George Orwell when I saw him reading his complete works. I read Orwell's Animal Farm in my late high school days. I have always been fascinated by that person - a sort of activist writer who wins respect, especially, in contrast to the many phony ones who write activist material out of their living rooms in posh gated communities. Or, reporters who write about tough positions in op-eds without working in the field.

George Orwell - came out of Eton and the Indian Imperial Police (now, IPS), he worked as a dishwasher in Paris and lived with miners in the north England. He fought with the Republican forces in the Spanish Civil War. He used his expereinces with poverty and fascism in his novels Animal Farm, 1984, and series of brilliant essays. He was brave and took unpopular positions without compromising on his intellectual integrity.

I would love to travel with more such passengers who read Orwell while travelling on a nice summer day.

Update: I thought of adding some of his favorite lines:

"If thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought. "

"Happiness can exist only in acceptance."

And this is the best: "Many people genuinely do not want to be saints, and it is probable that some who achieve or aspire to sainthood have never felt much temptation to be human beings. "

Doubt is a good thing!

"To be or not to be." Salon has great piece on how "doubt" can be good. It cites JFK speaking to graduating class of Yale in 1962 the importance of close scrutiny and said,

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie -- deliberate, contrived, and dishonest -- but the myth -- persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic ... Belief in myths allows the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought."

Read the article here. It says -

"But our generation has erected a culture that confuses happiness with a lack of discomfort, and leadership with an almost psychotic form of false optimism. We have ingeniously insulated ourselves from self-scrutiny and fear. We tuck ourselves away in gated communities, hibernate in food courts, or sleep in front of televisions, swathed in layer upon layer of soft and soporific comfort to protect ourselves from the bracing draft of doubt. We can barely feel our own culture anymore."

What "pujo" means to a Bengali?

Reproducing Vir Sanghvi's article published in Hindustan Times circa 2004

"

If you want a city with a soul: come to Calcutta.

When I look back on the years I've spent in Calcutta - and I come back so many times each year that I often feel I've never been away - I don't remember the things that people remember about cities. When I think of London, I think of the vast open spaces of Hyde Park. When I think of New York, I think of the frenzy of Times Square. When I think of Tokyo, I think of the bright lights of Shinjiku. And when I think of Paris, I think of the Champs Elysee.

But when I think of Calcutta, I never think of any one place. I don't focus on the greenery of the maidan, the beauty of the Victoria Memorial, the bustle of Burra Bazar or the splendour of the new Howrah 'Bridge'.

I think of people.

Because, finally, a city is more than bricks and mortars, street lights and tarred roads.

A city is the sum of its people.

And who can ever forget - or replicate - the people of Calcutta?

When I first came to live here, I was told that the city would grow on me. What nobody told me was that the city would change my life.

It was in Calcutta that I learnt about true warmth; about simple human decency; about love and friendship; about emotions and caring; about truth and honesty.

I learnt other things too. Coming from Bombay as I did, it was revelation to live in a city where people judged each other on the things that really mattered; where they recognized that being rich did not make you a better person - in fact, it might have the opposite effect.

I learnt also that if life is about more than just money, it is about the things that other cities ignore; about culture, about ideas, about art, and about passion.

In Bombay, a man with a relatively low income will salt some of it away for the day when he gets a stock market tip. In Calcutta, a man with exactly the same income will not know the difference between a debenture and a dividend. But he will spend his money on the things that matter. Each morning, he will read at least two newspapers and develop sharply etched views on the state of the world. Each evening, there will be fresh (ideally, fresh-water or river) fish on his table. His children will be encouraged to learn to dance or sing. His family will appreciate the power of poetry. And for him, religion and culture will be in inextricably bound together.

Ah religion!

Tell outsiders about the importance of Puja in Calcutta and they'll scoff. Don't be silly, they'll say. Puja is a religious festival. And Bengal has voted for the CPM since 1977. How can godless Bengal be so hung up on a religions festival?

I never know how to explain them that to a Bengali, religion does not consists of Jai Shri Ram . It has little to do with ritual or sinister political activity.

The essence of Puja is that all the passions of Bengal converge: emotion, culture, the love of life, the warmth of being together, the joy of celebration, the pride in artistic expression and yes, the cult of the goddess.

It may be about religion. But is not about much more than just worship.

In which other part of India would small, not particularly well-off localities, vie with each other to produce the best pandals? Where else could puja pandals go beyond religion to draw inspiration from everything else? In the years I lived in Calcutta, the pandals featured Amitabh Bachchan, Princes Diana and even Saddam Hussain!

Where else would children cry with the sheer emotional power of Dashimi, upset that the Goddess had left their homes? Where else would the whole city gooseflesh when the dhakis first begin to beat their drums? Which other Indian festival - in any part of the country - is so much about food, about going from one roadside stall to another, following your nose as it trails the smells of cooking?

To understand Puja, you must understand Calcutta. And to understand Calcutta, you must understand the Bengali.

It's not easy. Certainly, you can't do it till you come and live here, till you let Calcutta suffuse your being, invade your bloodstream and steal your soul.

But once you have, you'll love Calcutta forever. Wherever you go, a bit of Calcutta will go with you.

I know, because it's happened to me. And every Puja, I am overcome by the magic of Bengal. It's a feeling that'll never go away.

- By Vir Sanghvi

Sopranos - count down begins.

I am trying to keep up with all the discussion with Sopranos coming to an end. I just can't believe this yet. Sunday nights will not be the same. Wow! A near perfect TV series now needs a perfect ending. Here's what Dick Cavett has to say. Will Tony Soprano die? Want to bet? Check here.

Hot or Not

HotorNot powefully uses tags for profiling. It's a cool dating site. It is free and recently got embedded with Facebook. I have not used it as yet, but I like the idea of cutting through the chase. No lengthy pompous profile statements. No running down 67 questions in the name of identifying the right match. My skpeticism with other dating sites are indicated in one of my previous post. Tags communcate more info in a shorter time about the person than large pargraphs. Tags rule!

BBC World Music Awards 2007

The winners are announced. The winner in Asia-Pacific is Debashish Bhattacharya playing the Calcutta slide guitar. Hear here. It is simply memerizing. Other nominees including Gotan Project (another favorite) and Anoushka Shankar's Prayer in Passing are here. A real treat!

On a Lazy Sunday

Since I am not at all close to London and since the sun did not come out to set, I kept listening to Waterloo Sunset by The Kinks.

And this desert blues group plays some cool music:

Bought a CD (yes I still buy CDs) Paul Galbraith's Bach's Sonatas and Partitas for Guitar. It's been out for several years now, but it was very recently I bumped into it. It is in quite contrast to say a more traditional violin rendition by Perlman. The jerky transitions of the guitar compared to the smoothness of the violin makes it different.

Love is ... competition

The weather has been gloomy and rainy all day. So I thought of coming back here and writing a little more. The conversation with my friend is going on. I shall say, progress is being made. The true measure is hope is getting converted to hilarity. It is perfect to be shallow in relationships. I found that really helps. Every time I have tried to swim at the deep end, I have found myself calling the lifeguards (a.k.a friends). Why try to figure out the reason behind every smile, every response, every insinuation. Life can be really made simple if everyone followed two rules:

One: Women tell the men what you want and at least wait till your man fulfills before you change it.
Two: Men do exactly what the woman is telling you. No more, no less.

No more mind reading. No more expecting "if he loves me then he should know what I want". No teasing, pleasing, and appeasing when she says she does not like that. There will be no confusion, no misunderstandings, and no false hopes. No expectations, no unfulfilled promises, and no upsets. No anger, no irritation, and no heart-breaks. But no!

Why not take the roller-coaster, instead? Can't think of being in a relationship without twists and turns, without red lights and stop signs, and jumping red lights, can you? And yes! when that bozo zips past in a minted sports-car breaking all rules and chasing the same girl at twice the speed I was going, oh! how much I desire he gets pulled over or run over in the highway of life. Hope he gets slapped.

Anyway, running after one's beloved is a miserable but necessary need. Even if it causes nausea. Good luck my friend. Just remember to return my favors. I will be in your shoes pretty soon.

To my friend

My friend woke me up early this cloudy Sunday. Blessed am I to have friends who feel the freedom to wake me up on a sunday morning. So here's why. 2 guys have fallen for the same girl. And he is one of them. The girl seems to like the other person more these days. The situation is as old as the hills. Same old same old - urge to run after that person to satisfy the need that simply prolongs the misery in every possible way. It all began with a seed of curiosity planted in a sea of denial. "Oh really, even he likes her and she may be interested in him." The n the irrational urge to confirm the denial only grew the seed of curiosity into a suspicion and the suspicion now has turned into a kernel fuming with bitterness and anger. Needless to say, latent in all that is the frustration of helplessness and complete loss of power.

It is so easy to be an oberserver when I am not the participant in such cases. When the tables are turned and I be in my friend's shoes (hope not!), I know he will be saying the same thing to me. Leaves me wondering how we humans are wired so disconnected from the realities of life. It is easier to advise someone but not one ownself. Just the way we think we have power to control others when we really don't.

Why is it so difficult to accept that we cannot control any other human being? Why is it so hard to make someone else love you? Or, as a parent to get your child to follow all your wishes? Hard questions - no simple answers.

I guess it is because our foundations are misplaced on faulty bases. We are wired to believe (quite unconsciously) that seeking power by controlling others is a virtue and the lack of it invalidates us as human beings. To cope and control our future has been the primal driver for our civilization. From the point, we gave up animal like hunting and began farming by planting seeds, we embraced uncertainty. We cloaked ourselves in religion and began to please the gods for our prosperity. When crops got destroyed we blamed ourselves for our sins. But even in all that - we never dislodged our faulty premise from our human fabric - that we could control - either by beating others or by beating our ownselves. Why is it so hard to accept that we are creatures on the planet and certain things like weather or making money from the next youtube, are beyond our control.

When scheming and thinking about how-can-I-make-her-to-love-me, we tend to bring in the same false premise that we can control others. And when it does not work we are pained. So what's the way out? Nothing. Just have to bear it. There is a huge gap between what we can do and the results that are accomplished. We can just come to the banks and wait for "luck", "destiny", "fate" to lay the bridge to the desired result. And if they don't show up to create our pathway to winning her heart, we are simply stuck. We have the right to feel upset, angry, and frustrated since we cannot change the physiology of heart-break and pain. So my friend feel all that and also listen to this. And when you are through with your upset, begin another "game of chess" to take your revenge against your "luck". Your heart may be in million pieces by now but if you are willing to hang in there - there is hope. Reminds me what the demoralized Lucifer said after losing the heaven in Milton's Paradise Lost:

What though the field be lost?
All is not lost; the unconquerable Will,
And study of revenge, immortal hate,
And courage never to submit or yield:
And what is else not to be overcome?
That Glory never shall his wrath or might
Extort from me.

Pre-sleep freewheeling

Before I crash to bed, I look for a book to put me to sleep. A little bit of Tagore - maybe. It is amazing how the same poems appear different during the day and in the night. During the day, Tagore is so soaked in sentiment that it is intolerable. Yet at night, when the world sleeps and in Shelley's words I reside by brother death, Tagore gives me a different expereince. Divine, pristine, and redeeming. Away from sham, away from make-belief, Tagore opens the door to peace - dropping all my guards and lulling my storm. Unashamed.

If the day is done,
If birds sing no more,
If the wind has flagged tired,
Then draw the veil of darkness thick upon me,
Even as thou hast wrapt the earth with the coverlet of sleep and
Tenderly closed the petals of the drooping lotus at dusk.

From the traveller,
Whose sack of provisions is empty before the voyage is ended,
Whose garment is torn and dustladen,
Whose strength is exhausted,
Remove shame and poverty, and renew his life
Like a flower under the cover of thy kindly night.

- Gitanjali