"One's own mind is the most dangerous place to visit, especially in the night," -- someone told me many years back. Yet, time and again I love to take this delicious trip which I savour and enjoy, a trip whose journey I enjoy but actually end up mostly in misery, anxiety, and sleepless nights. And then, I take off to another trip -- the trip of justifications, reflections, and renewed perceptions -- why the result was so? And finally, conclude reality is harsh, sorrowful, and is not meant to be pleasant. Utter baloney!
The more well read we get, the more equipped we get with our justifications, the stronger our opinions become, and the more attracted we get to find some ruminations that have been scripted out in some dusty book sitting in some rack of the library. In search of the magic formula, we start reading that -- some of it makes sense, some of it is pure esoteric stuff -- and we struggle our brains to "understand" that. Hours go by, and then we "think" that we do. Aha! But have we really? We have just added a cute justification that perhaps at best substantiates a point that we want to make. Good enough to make an argument in a coffee table discussion, way short to use that in life and derive happiness.
No wonder we see people loaded with all kind of philisophy, tools of psychoanalysis, chasing some swami in India, and tons of self-help books -- yet still in search, still unhappy. If you are like me, probably, you may even love to play the con game call - "I am a happy person." If you challenge me I will reflect a bit and then unload my arsenal from my "mind" to justify what happiness is and why I am happy. In the process, I may show my frustrations, show of contempt -- cursing you with silent pride "Don't you know I have read everything about happiness from Aristotle to Dalai Lama. Don't give me a lecture on what happiness is."
Happiness is not about justifying what happiness is, nor is it about reading about happiness, and definitely not about telling about it. It is about a lived-expereince that others get when they are around you. That's the real test of happiness. I may convince myself that I am happy but if others are not then it is not real. Our own relections and our perceptions unless validated by others are not real. And that is why what I think in my own room -- or what I write here in this blog is not real unless it is agreed by others.
The next step in doing a reality check is which "group" is validating our lived-expereince, or for that matter our saga backed up by our reflections and ruminations. Looking it in a different way, we form groups, organizations, and communities to "create reality". We join or create groups that endorses our reflections and perceptions and expands our illusion about reality. Take any group -- the same applies. If I believe in the Bible, I join a church where my beliefs get reinforced and I consider it to be "The Truth". If I publish a paper in a journal or hang out with bunch of academicians who shower kudos on my opinions -- I get the expereince that my work is real. If I break up a relationship, I love to join a bunch of similar broken hearts -- bash the shit out of the other half -- I feel all my actions, opinions were real. To check whether what you are saying is real - try across all sections of people - across age groups, educated and uninitated, from Asians to Zulus, and then if all agree -- you know it can pass off being real.
We humans all live this way, nothing wrong about it. The key is to distinguish that our perceptions, reflections, and opinons mean nothing. We are not our opinions, thoughts, or feeling. These are just veneer over our "self". Life does not run with static versions of these. And willingly or unwillingly there comes instances in life where we have to give up or forced to give our opinions -- for our own good and survival. I always thought that "marriage is permanent" ... but had to give that up. I once thought "I was a very shy person." I gave that up on choice when I saw that the real me loved to be with people.
Yet it is a constant struggle to shut up my mind and just live with the flow -- with energy, vitality, fun, and joy. Living every moment right then! And when I do that -- viola! I can sign off on that day as -- yes I am a happy man.
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